BOONE COUNTY
INDIANA NEWSPAPER
BIT & PIECES OF NONSENSE
“A fried oyster given away with each drink on Wednesday of each week at
W. C. Halfman’s saloon on South Lebanon Street,
(Ad in Lebanon Patriot, Jan. 31, 1895)
“A fellow who likes to have plenty of
victuals, and who had led a rater loud life, joined church and was
called on to pray. He said, ‘0, Lord, give everybody in this town a
barrel of beef and a barrel of pork and a barrel of molasses and a
barrel of pepper. ‘ Then he hesitated, and said, ‘0, hell, tat’s too
much pepper!
(Lebanon Pioneer1 March 3, 1876)
“A cow belonging to John Johnson
tried to butt a locomotive off the track Thursday morning. John Johnson
don’t own a cow now.”
(Lebanon Patriot, July 2, 1875)
“Several errors occurred in last
week's notes on account of bad chirography. Lawrence Matthews has no
daughter, but Mrs. Lillie Matthews has.”
(Lebanon Patriot, August 31, 1393)
“A young lady who had become tired of
single blessedness wrote to her ‘true lover’ as follows:
“‘Deer Gim Cum rite off, ef you air
cummin at awl, George Colling is insisten I shel hev him, not he hugs
and kisses me so kontinerly that i kant hold out much longer, but will
heve to kave in.”’
(Boone County Pioneer, July 23, 1868)
“The only obstacle in the way of a
more rapid increase in Lebanon’s population is a scarcity of houses.
The citizens are doing their best to make the next census 4,000. The
physicians are on the go almost continually.”
(Lebanon Pioneer June 9, 1887)
“It looks metropolitan, of course, to
see cows meandering about the streets and lying on the side walks at
night. It is a pleasant experience to run on to one at night too.”
(Lebanon Patriot, November 11, 1836)
“The town cow, a privileged character
in Lebanon, is now having full sway at the citizens’ gardens. In cases
where the gate was left ajar overnight, the morning sun looks on a most
desolate field of destruction in the vegetable department.”
(Lebanon Patriot, July 3, 1336)
“In consequence of the sickness of
Miss Mary Pavey, organist at the M. E. Church, that congregation had
singing in the old fashioned way, last Sunday.”
(Lebanon Patriot, January 12, 1888)
“A business man of an Illinois town
went fishing on the Iroquois River the other day and caught a fine
fish. He went to the nearest telegraph office and sent the following
message to his wife. ‘I’ve got one. Weighs seven pounds and is a
beauty.’ In reply came the fol1owing from his wife. ‘So have I. weighs
10 pounds. He isn’t a beauty. Looks just like you you.
(Lebanon Patriot, Sept. 14, 1906)
“There are moments in a man’s 1lfe
when his calculations are entirely upset, and he feels that he has,
somehow, been foully wronged. This was the case wit a man at the depot
te other evening when he fell over a wheelbarrow and caressed the
platform wit his nose, while the insatiate barrow flew over and struck
the prostrate victim in the small of the back, doubling him up like a
jack-knife. The man didn’t swear, but his familar allusions to the
Creator were not in strict accordance with Holy Writ.”
(Lebanon Patriot, December 13, 1377)
A young countryman with his intended
walked into this burg yesterday about noon. They went over to the
clerk’s office and got the authority, and had it said right there. They
then schottished across the street to Whittaker’s and rook a
twenty-five cent dinner. After dinner, the groom purchased a bar of
soap, and the happy pair started for home.”
(The Lebanon Pioneer, July 6, 1876)
Up until early 1887, when the custom
was prohibited by a city ordinance~ Lebanonires who kept milk cows
permitted the bovines to roam at large about town. Concerning the
practice, the Lebanon Pioneer, in its issue of May 5, 1887, made this
terse comment: “The town cow is caged and the beautiful night-blooming
cowslips bedeck our sidewalks no more.”
‘One hundred and forty-five years
ago. George Washington was born, He is dead now.
(The Lebanon Patriot. Feb. 22, 1877)
“This paragraph from the Seymour
Times will be news to the people of Boone County: Johnny Cotteridge. of
Boone County, must pay Harrison Hudson $500 for cutting up with
Harrison’s wife, Harrison wanted $5, 000, but the Jury, after viewing
the wife, thought that $500 was quite enough in these hard times and
with potatoes firm at 50 cents a bushel.
(Lebanon Patriot. November 6, 1878)
“Wes Lane and J. C. Brown & Bro,
should treat J. M. Powell for the way he ‘squelched’ an opposition
hardware establishment the other day. He killed a fat cow and in her
paunch found a quantity of nails, screws and tacks, besides a piece of
earthenware and a lens from a pair of spectacles. The articles are now
in our office, and we have Powell’s word that he found them as above
stated. The possibilities are that the old cow, becoming tired of the
meager dinners obtained from the farmers’ wagons around the public
square, had proceeded to devour some merchant’s goods-box, and finding
a near-sighted individual sifting thereon, had swallowed him,
spectacles and all, Nails and glass being articles of slow digestion,
some of them remained in the stomach, We charge nothing for our theory.”
--Lebanon Pioneer, April 9, 1875
Times Change, Prices, Too
Times have changed. In this the
Bicentennial year, here are some prices to ponder.
H. S. Richardson of Lebanon observes
these notations made by David Cohee in a diary. The date: September 28,
1891.
“Wheat $1 per bushel; beans. $2 per
bushel; potatoes, $1. 75.
‘Ignorance of the merits of DeWitt’s
Little Early Risers is a misfortune. These little pills regulate the
liver, cure headache, dyspepsia, bad breath, constipation, and
biliousness. A. L. LANE, Druggist,”
(Ad in Lebanon Pioneer, September 28,
1893)
“There are moments in a man’s life
when his calculations are entirely upset, and he feels that he has
somehow, been foully wronged. This was the case with a man at the depot
the other evening when he fell over a wheelbarrow and carressed the
platform with his nose, while the insatiate barrow flew over and struck
the prostrate victim in the small of the back, doubling him up like a
jack-knife. The man didn’t swear, but his familiar allusions to the
Creator were not in strict accordance with Holy Writ.
(The Lebanon Patriot, December 13,
1877)
per bushel; turnips. 75 cents per
bushel; walnuts, 75 cents per bushel; popcorn, 2 1/2 cents per pound;
clover seed, 80 cents per pound; and field com, 75 cents per sack.”
“Good horses” were selling for $100
each. Milk cows brought $20 to $35 and hogs sold for $3.50 per 100
pounds
An old fashioned watch meeting was held in the African M.E. Church,
Monday night, but it got too loud for some of the old veterans before
midnight.
(The Lebanon Pioneer Jan 3, 1884 )
A Cows Predicament
“Much amusement was had the other day at the expense of a poor old
hungry cow, which, while clandestinely endeavoring to extract some of
the saline virtue from the bottom of an empty salt barrel, managed to
get the barrel fastened on her head.
“After making several ineffectual attempts to release herself, she
became alarmed at the state of affairs, and fled with the barrel
covering her entire head. After parading the streets for a spell, she
retreated to the vacant space in the rear of the Patriot office, where
she seemed to become resigned to an inexorable fate.
“Finally, a number of boys, good Samaritan-like, approached her
cowship, armed with hatchets, and severing the barrel hoops, soon
released her, when the departed ‘a wiser, and it is to be hoped, a
better cow.
--Lebanon Patriot, March I3, 1873.
Dog Attacks Preacher
“A pair of preachers were perambulating on West Main Street, last
Saturday, in close conversation about the wickedness of the world and
Lebanon in particular, when the ugliest, mangiest, lankiest and meanest
looking dog imaginable came sneaking along. He (the dog) seemed to
realize his infernal looks and eyed the reverend gentlemen with a
malicious leer.
“All might have went well and this item never been written had not one
of the preachers aimed a well directed kick at the animal. The kick was
given with extreme unction, and the dog sprang at him in great fury.
The minister's legs were the objects of wrath, and if he had not
waltzed around right lively, a pair of brand new breeches would
have been torn to tatters, to say nothing of the damage to his legs, He
was finally rescued with little damage. Although he danced all around
his companion, the dog paid no attention to anyone but the kicker.
Lebanon Patriot, April 25, 1872
“There was high old times on the railroad near Simmons’ stave factory
Saturday night. About half a dozen fights ensued. Cause? Whiskey and
women. We have no names, but we understand that a woman "wholloped" a nymph du pave who
was tampering with the affections of her husband and then ‘hubby’
walked into the ring and whipped the victorious woman who was jealous
of her marital rights and claims on his particular person. Then an
Irishman bounced a ‘dornick’ off somebody's head and was knocked into
the middle of next week by a blow from a bar of railroad iron. Further,
the deponent saith not.”
-- Lebanon Patriot, August 22, 1872.
“A folded newspaper placed under the coat in the small of the back is
an excellent substitute for an overcoat. There is considerable warmth
in a newspaper, that's a fact. Many a man has become heated by simply
reading an article in a paper, and at times he wants to make it hot for
the editor.”
(Lebanon Pioneer, January 30, 1890)
“are now 31 inmates at the county farm, 18 males, and 13 females. For
winter heating, the superintendent has laid in 175 cords of wood cut
from the big woods on the farm, and from the summer's garden, has
stored up 400 bushels of potatoes and 1,800 heads of cabbage.
(The Lebanon Patriot, November 29, 1877)
“We saw last Saturday a woman smoking a cigar. We suppose she had as
much right to indulge in that innocent luxury as the men, but then we
don't think we shall ever take a lady smoker for our life -partner, not
unless we get cheated as to her metaL
- -Lebanon Patriot, September 2 6 1872.
“Town cows are having a glorious time robbing country sleighs and
wagons of hay, straw, etc. It is stated that one of them ate a basket
of dry goods arid groceries a few days ago valued at $25. It is also
rumored that a cadaverous bovine swallowed a yearling baby which had
been left in a sleigh for safe keeping.”
--The Lebanon PatrIot, December 29, 1870
A Cow’s Predicament
Much amusement was had the other day at the expense of a poor old
hungry cow, which, while clandestinely endeavoring to extract some of
the saline virtue from the bottom of an empty salt barrel, managed to
get the barrel fastened on her head.
“After making several ineffectual attempts to release herself, she
became alarmed at the state of affairs, and fled with the barrel
covering her entire head. After parading the streets for a spell, she
retreated to the vacant space in the rear of the Patriot office, where
she seemed to become resigned to an inexorable fate.
“Finally, a number of boys, good Samaritan-like, approached her
cowship, armed with hatchets, and severing the barrel hoops, soon
released her, when the departed ‘a wiser, and ft is to be hoped, a
better cow.
--Lebanon Patriot, March 13, 1813.
Dog Attacks Preacher
“A pair of preachers were perambulating on West Main street, last
Saturday, in close conversation about the wickedness of the world and
Lebanon in particular, when the ugliest, mangiest, lankest and meanest
looking dog imaginable came sneaking along. He (the dog) seemed to
realize his infernal looks and eyed the reverend gentlemen with a
malicious leer.
“All might have went well and this item never been written had not one
of the ~eachers aimed a well directed kick at the animal. The kick was
given with exteme unction, and the dog sprang at him in great fury. The
minister’s legs were the objects of wrath, and if he had not waltzed
around right lively, a pair of brand new breeches would have been torn
to tatters, to say nothing of the damage to his legs. He was finally
rescued with little damage. Although he danced all around his
companion, the dog paid no attention to anyone but the kicker.
“Moral: Preachers should not kick at curs, for being
noticed gives them encouragement to bite.”
--Lebanon PatrIot, April 25, 1872.
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