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MORGAN COUNTY, INDIANA
WOOING AND
WEDDING.
Wooing for a wife is a very interesting phase of human life. It lost
none of its charms when carried on in the backwoods in times now almost
forgotten. The children of the old settlers knew little and cared less
about flirtations. One Saratoga belle of to-day can out- flirt as many
old-time girls as it would take to stock up a camp meeting. Nor were
the boys much in the habit of trifling with the affections of the
girls, for their "big brothers," of whom they usually had a supply,
were morally certain to have a reckoning with the culprit. However,
there was a good deal of courting that did not materialize. Some
unforeseen contingency would arise to hinder the promise or cancel it
after it was made. But, as a rule, all earnestly begun courtships ended
in marriage.
Sometimes the fathers and mothers, or at least one of them, filed
objections to the company-keeping of their son or daughter. Sometimes
the exceptions were well taken; at other times, they were not. If the
girl were fatally in love, the old folks were likely to be
circumvented. The case would turn out something like the following:
About four miles east of Martinsville there lived in an early day, a
good neighbor whom we will call B— R— for short. He was the proud
father of four or five daughters, who were so handsome and charming in
their teens that most of them had lovers at fifteen. But the stern
father forbade the girls receiving company, and no young man was
allowed to make love to his daughters. He had determined there should
be no billing and cooing about his premises. He succeeded about as well
as fathers usually did in such cases, especially in the backwoods. In
due time the boys stole his girls like they did his watermelons, as
fast as they got ripe. The boys may have read of the old Romans, who
stole the Sabinc women, yet it is not good form to steal a wife. As a
general rule, it is better to get peaceable possession.
There were some very embarrassing circumstances attending courtship in
those early days. There were no parlors, drawing or reception rooms,
just one big inconvertible sitting room, parlor, dining room, bedroom
and kitchen, all in one.
Sunday night was the usually accepted 'time when "Willie went
a-wooing." Saturday night was "niggers' " night and, therefore, not in
good taste.
If it was winter time, there would be a glowing log fire in the old
stick and clay chimney, with its clay jambs and back wall. If in
summer, the fireplace would be filled with the green boughs of elm or
wild cherry. A tallow candle or greasy lamp would cast a faint, sickly
ray on the nervous swain as he shifted first one leg, then the other,
over his knee and tried to keep up a running conversation with the
family group. If the girl happened to be the oldest of the family,
there was the additional annoyance of several urchins, winking,
blinking, and tittering until they grew tired and were ordered to bed.
Then there was a short respite for the young man, who proceeded to turn
a "searchlight" on the old folks. Although there was no one authorized
to send them into retirement, it was well understood that if they were
friendly to the beau they would avail themselves of the earliest
opportunity to vacate the hearthstone and leave the way clear for the
"commencement exercises" of the evening. But if they wished to show
their disapproval of the young man's attentions they would stay up and
sulk until a late hour. Sometimes when the girl did not wish any
further annoyance, or was after another beau, she would get "pap" and
mother to "sit him out" until midnight. This was a polite way of
informing him that "his room was better than his company."
Sometimes it so happened that the girl had "two strings to her bow,"
or, properly speaking, two beaux on the string. This complicated things
very much, especially if they both happened to call on the same evening
to engage her company for some party or other amusement. This situation
usually brought on the crisis, and one or the other had to go. Unless
she could satisfactorily explain her position, she would thereafter be
released from the double duty of playing belle to two beaux. There were
few things the boys dreaded more than the "sack," or to be "cut out" by
the other fellow. A prudent girl generally avoided making a "scene"
when it became necessary to be relieved of a suitor's company;
sometimes, however, she gave the "mitten" in such a decided way as to
fairly carry the young man off his feet. This was only done after
repeated attempts on the young man's part to intrude his attentions.
A very common way of beginning the ticklish business of courting was to
"sidle up" to a girl on the road home from church, singing school, or
quilting party, and ask, "May I have the pleasure of seeing you safe
home?" Of course neither the young man nor any one else thought her to
be in any particular danger from wild beasts or ghosts. If he were a
bashful boy, just getting entangled in the masterful meshes of love, he
would talk but little more until they reached "daddy's" gate, when he
would say, "Now Sally Ann, don't tell anybody I 'beaued' you home," to
which she would respond, "I won't, Tom, for I'm as 'shamed of it as you
are."
As there were no buggies in those days, the modern mode of courting on
wheels was unknown. But lovemaking on horseback or on foot was almost
as good, though not nearly so pleasant as the buggy way. To know how to
help a lady on and off a horse was accounted quite an accomplishment.
Now and then a young man—being a little flurried, or "out of his head"
—would lead the horse up to the stump or block with the "gee" side next
the girl, and when she would modestly inform him that he had better
"swap sides" with the horse, he looked for all the world like he had
let a whole bevy of birds go at once.
Courtship was long or short according to the seeming necessity of the
case. If the lovers were young when they were first smitten, the "set
to" might last two or three years, but usually in the case of young
widowers it was cut down to two or three months. The longest courtship
we ever knew lasted seventeen years and did not then "materialize." The
shortest was about three weeks. How much shorter we do not know—he was
a widower. Something has been said about "pursuit being better than
possession." That holds good in a fox chase, but not in courtship.
A modern writer of much notoriety says, "All women and girls love the
romantic." If so, the bride of old must have fully realized all her
expectations on her wedding day. She was usually very young compared to
the brides of today, bashful, innocent, inexperienced, and
unsophisticated; she knew nothing whatever of the "ways that are dark
and tricks that are vain," which of late have honeycombed very
fashionable society. sisters, yet, weighed in an even balance, she
would not be found wanting in those qualities that go to make a
faithful wife.
Among the festivities of the backwoods none were more enjoyable than
those of the wedding and "infare" days. Barring some unpleasantness
arising from fancied slights or neglects in the matter of invitations,
all went merrily. As there were no bridal tours to be undertaken over
the mud and corduroy roads further than the groom's home, and as they
had not learned to swap sunlight for gas and electricity, and as the
bride and groom were not ashamed to be seen in daylight, the ceremony
was performed at noonday, after which congratulations were showered in
abundance, followed by the old-fashioned country dinner. The table
fairly reeled under the weight of roast beef, pork, and turkey, stacks
of cakes, pies, and crullers, with corn and wheat bread, butter, and
home-made molasses all plentifully interspersed with cabbage, beans,
potatoes, and baked custard, pickles, catsup, and peppersauce. As the
whole affair was informal at the table, a roaring conversation was
carried on, with shafts of wit, dull and sharp, shot at the bride and
groom. Of course there was the "king's fool," or the fool without the
king a "smarty" who usually joked in the key of D flat, for it is not
possible to say startling things all the while. Sometimes where the
families were well-to-do and had two or more rooms, if dancing was
permissible, there would be a "hop" at night, lasting until the "wee
sma' hours ayant the twal." The bride and groom would be excused about
midnight and retire. But they would be visited at regular intervals
from then until morning, each trme served with appropriate lunch. This
custom, however, was not universal. The dancing
and feasting were continued at the infair, and the gayities prolonged
through the second day and night. I knew a young woman who said she
danced all night at a wedding and the infair, then went home and slept
sixteen hours, when her mother became alarmed and broke up her "nap."
This time it was "No sleep till two morns when youth and beauty meet."
In the matter of dress, the bride and groom then, as now, put on their
best "bib and tucker." We have seen brides sixty years ago as neatly
and becomingly dressed as we see them to-day. They were not decked in
diamonds nor were their dresses made "en train," but they were
universally robed in white cambric or swiss lawn, with cotton hose, and
kid slippers ornamented with silver buckles.
The laced jacket had quite a tight hold on the girls. A small, tapering
waist was thought to be a "thing of beauty," but it never was, nor can
it be a joy to the one who wears it with the use of a "block and
tackle." Why should men have ever been such fools about a "wasp waist"?
We believe such waists are indicative of the mind that can submit to
such torture for the sake of fashion.
There was one bit of the bride's adorning we were glad to see laid
aside years ago—that was the grandmotherly looking bobinet cap. While
that artificial headgear set off the elderly ladies in good style, it
had no business on the head of a bride of sixteen, whose wealth of
natural curls hung over neck and shoulders in such rich profusion as to
command the admiration of all—even of a confounded old bachelor. I use
this
word in its true sense; for all men who were never married and never
wished to be, are "confounded" somewhere. Neither was the bridegroom
indifferent as to the conventional wedding suit. First he would go to
the store and buy four yards of English broadcloth, six quarters wide,
for which he paid seven dollars per yard; then the trimmings consisted
of silk linings, buckram, silk velvet for the collar, silk thread, silk
twist, and one and a half dozen highly polished brass buttons. With
this he would go to his merchant tailor, who sometimes was a month
behind with his customers. If the groom was in a hurry to get married,
he would have to possess his soul in patience; if a widower, he would
visit his tailor and prospective wife twice a week, and would be out of
his head most of the time until after the wedding. The whole cost of a
wedding suit—not including the invisible garments—was from forty-five
to fifty dollars. As farm wages were not more than thirteen dollars per
month, it took a young man about four months to earn his wedding suit.
Of course, there were many less expensive wedding outfits, wherein the
parties did as well, and enjoyed life as much as their more pretentious
neighbors.
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